A collection of thoughts: Quarantine Edition.

How in the world is it already August? It seems like just yesterday I was rushing home from school, happy to be back in familiar surroundings. Yet, as I type this about 5 months later, I have never felt further from my past self. As many might relate to, I've gone through some big emotional and physical changes throughout quarantine. Being around family, while remaining mostly distant from friends, has been extremely influential. A few months ago, I might have dreaded such alone time with myself and my immediate family members. That's not to say I don't love them, because we have such a close relationship that this wouldn't be further from the truth, but I believe that life sometimes winds me up so much that I cannot bare the thought of slowing down to the extent of which quarantine enforced upon us all. I don't experience FOMO, like many of my friends do, but rather an excessive need to "be productive".This might mean writing a post such as this, or working out, or even relaxing in the radiant sun all day out of fear that the next day might consist of only cloudy skies. Quarantine forced me to realize that this obsession of mine might not always allow me to think clearly. I had a very tough time adjusting to the idea that I was not in control throughout the past few months.

So, why write a post? Maybe this self-reflection might inspire you to use whatever time you have left working from home to your advantage, or possibly serve as a reminder of your own growth. Perhaps you are a friend or family member with my best interest at heart, and reading this is simply your way of showing you care. Be it as it may, I'd like to share some of the most important lessons I've learned throughout my time away from normal life. Forgive me if many of them overlap.

Appreciate those around you. I don't mean the friends you left at school, but they do count too. I mean to appreciate those that have truly held importance in your life, in one way or another. To me, quarantine showed me that I don't give enough credit to my family. I have always held a high regard for my parents because of their constant support of my goals and achievements. They respect my independence, while also showing how much they care. However, quarantine has given me a brand new perspective of their parenting. You know when you realize your parents are human too? I can definitely relate to that. I realized during quarantine that I have reached the age where they have stopped sugarcoating hard facts, and they are not afraid to call me out on my selfish ways. However, I still see the two of them as the most amazing humans I have ever come in contact with. Staying in their home throughout the past few months showed me how strong they are, despite obstacles in work or in their personal lives. My brother, on the other hand, annoyed me like no other. Yet, I can't remember the last time we were so involved in each other's lives. He became a friend to me again, just as we were in high school. If not for the time at home, forced to live in the same house with minimal empty space, I might not have realized just how lucky and privileged I am to be in this family.

To you, maybe this appreciation extends to friends you leaned on throughout the past few months. Not everyone is close with their families, which is also respectable. However, I hope that this lesson makes you think about certain people who have made a bigger impact on your character and life than others have. If so, send them a text. Heck, send them this part of my post. It's easy to take things for granted when we are off living our own lives. People don't live forever, and relationships don't last unless they are given effort. There have been moments in my life that I held my tongue, fearing that saying how I felt might cause judgement by others. News Flash: there is not one single person on this planet that would feel offended by you letting them know just how much they meant to you. Tell your friends you love them, tell your family that they made you a better person, and call that person back.

Next lesson: do the thing. I don't mean that small to-do list you make at the start of each week. I mean that overarching, hovering, ticking time-bomb of a goal that you have made for yourself. Losing weight, gaining weight, learning to cook, learning a new language, reading more, starting your blog, starting a youtube, starting a fashion instagram, writing a book, rebranding yourself with a new wardrobe, messaging your favorite brand's CEO on Linkedin introducing yourself. I mean it. Quarantine showed us that life is not a given. Neither is the freedom to do as we please. I had some longterm goals before heading home. I wanted to stop caring so much about what people thought of me. I wanted to start running. I wanted to start the project that my dad had encouraged me to start since I was 10 years old. Guess what? I did them all. This is not meant to be a bragging point, or a "What is your excuse?" moment. I just want you to know that whatever it is that you've been dreaming of doing, you are so capable. If you're clueless, start reading about that topic. The internet is a wonderful thing. Use it to your advantage. Give yourself something positive to talk about when someone asks you someday: "What did you do during the 2020 quarantine?"

This one's a big one: Let it go. For as long as I can remember, I've been a giver. I don't mean that I give unconditionally as an angel sent from above. I'm no saint. But, I love telling my friends and family how much they mean to me. I enjoy picking out gifts for friends, even when I'm sure they aren't getting me anything in return. For Christmas and birthdays, I love to see the smile on people's faces when they finally open the gift that I had picked out for weeks or even months. It's almost selfish. I do it for my own satisfaction. I think: They know how much I care about them, I'm doing it right. But man, has this come back to bite me. It's important to realize when giving too much occurs. Being a good friend is important, and so is showing appreciation for those in your life. However, there's a fine line between being a good friend and being a straight-up pushover. Not everyone deserves the light you provide them in their life. Sometimes it takes walking away from someone to realize how dim that relationship made you. Don't settle for that. Only accept people into your life that make you shine your brightest. Anyone else can kindly go away ;).

Lastly, I want to focus a bit on the actual virus. Woah! I'm actually going to talk about why we are in quarantine rather than romanticizing the takeaways from being home. Not everyone has a direct connection to COVID-19. Sometimes, people are blind to its effects unless someone they love has come into contact with the virus. Personally, I went about quarantine remaining pretty cautious of my actions, wearing masks, and trying to stay distant from those in my life who are considered high-risk. However, the distancing part started to lack severely after a few months. No, I'm not stupid. Yes, I care about my family. My own grandmother told me that she would rather pass away from a virus after a summer of spending time with her grandchildren, than in a year from some other cause after being separated from us for many months. This has shaped my mindset of the virus. I will continue to be cautious and consistent in my actions to prevent the spread of the virus to myself and those around me. However, I will not stop living due to this virus. Life is too short. My other grandmother, Betty Lou, passed away on August 15th after a very short-lived battle with COVID. This came after she was able to celebrate her 86th birthday with her children and many grandchildren. She was living happily and with no regrets up until her last moments. Isn't that what we should all strive toward? I'm going to miss her dearly, and I always will, but she left behind an amazing legacy of 7 children. Her presence will never truly leave this Earth. Be happy, be smart, be safe, and live as if you don't have tomorrow.

So. Yes, Covid-19 sucks. I hate it, I hate what it has caused society to look like, I hate how it has effected my education, and I hate how it has taken my grandmother from me. But, I will not let this pandemic ruin an important time in my life. Instead, I will continue to grow into someone that I dreamed of being just months ago. I'll do this by living without regret, working when inspiration hits, and appreciating those that help me along the way. I encourage anyone who reads this to do the same. 2020 will not be full of sad stories, but instead stories of growth.