What I Wish I Knew: Confidence

When I was a little girl, I opted to play outside or on my Nintendo DS rather than with dolls. I didn’t like to wear pink, except for my pink Philadelphia Eagles jersey. I was a genuine tomboy through and through, which was evident by my not even trying makeup until an 8th grade dance. Which, to be clear, my mom had a part in helping me with. Honestly, as a kid, I saw no use in impressing others. It was comfort over anything else. I didn’t like the feeling of my hair being pulled tight in ponytails for dance classes, the pain of my mom putting my earrings back in after going to the pool, or the idea of dressing up just for family holiday card pictures. In my mind, we shouldn’t have to dress up for others. Certainly not people I had never even met. Furthermore, I didn't believe that anyone else's opinion truly mattered more than my own.

And now, I’m a 19-year-old girl that worries about what jeans will pinch my waist just tight enough to give the illusion of a slim figure, but not too tight that I won’t regret eating nachos at dinner. I won’t be satisfied with just 4 pictures from a beach trip, because I know that I need to take at least 10-20 pictures before finding one where I like the way my body looks in my bikini. It’s clear that somewhere in my years of high school and college I have become much more self-aware of how others view me. Beyond just surface level, I have also fallen victim to questioning my own decisions and path in life while watching others live their own lives. Social media has become a highlight reel of millions of users that choose to show the best parts of their lives, yet none of the bad. Which, of course, leads to their viewers wondering what they could possibly do to live that way, or maybe what went wrong so that they never can live that way. It all comes down to the way others perceive us. We make videos to seem fun to be around, post pictures to recieve reactions and likes, and we get excited and fulfilled when we recieve the reactions we aimed for. Sadly, I have sometimes placed the views and opinion of others above my own thoughts. It's a problem when your confidence and self-fulfillment is based on the way others see you. However, it's certainly a common problem that has become more and more obvious in this generation.

This is one of those blog posts that is a mix of both a rant and a heartfelt discussion. On one hand, I’m angry at society for making teenage girls believe that they need to look a certain way. On the other hand, I’m sad for every girl or boy who has fallen victim to the societal pressures I’m talking about. Because, while some people were raised to know their worth and the importance of self-respect and self-love, others were not. I don’t think it’s fair that some of our generation has people to build them up, while others have no support whatsoever. I believe that anyone who has slightly “figured out” how to stay positive or push through the societal issues that come from social media, celebrities, or modern pop culture should try to speak about it.

If everyone on Earth looked the same, life would be beyond boring. Why? Because the beauty of being human is that we all have our own unique features and identity. There is no other version of you on this continent or any other. Which leads me to question, if you try to be someone else… how will the world know YOU? I believe that part of life is accepting yourself for all you have to offer. Which, by the way, everyone has something to offer the world. For example, I know I’ll never be a singer or pianist. I’ll certainly not be an Olympic swimmer or back model (scoliosis would prevent this of course). But, I know that I can be a friendly face or lending ear to anyone who needs me to be. If you think about it, you don’t have to be born with your best quality. You can create the quality yourself.

I know so many people in my life that struggle with their identities or insecurities. Some people have no idea what they want to do or who they want to be, while others just don’t like the person they know themselves to be. And with that, I want to give some advice I learned through my own experience: It is never too late to reinvent yourself. It might be scary, or a weight abstract idea to hear, but I promise the person that it will most affect is the only person whose vote should count (that’s yours, duh).

My main goal here is to explain that although our society has pressured us to believe that we need to be perfect, consistent, and have our “shit together”, I don’t truly believe anyone SHOULD be these things. We experience new things every day that add to our ultimate identity. With that being said, it’s only fair to assume that our identities will change along with our knowledge and interests. I think that we all have a purpose in life, but we can only achieve our own purposes if we stick to our own paths, and not someone else’s.

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I hope that this piece resonates with you in some way. It's hard to put into words the way that I feel about this topic, especially because so many people suffer from extreme insecurities, body dysmorphia, diagnoses such as depression or eating disorders, and more. If you ever need help or someone to talk to, call 1-877-870-4673 for the Samaritan's Helpline.

Comment below what you have to offer this world!